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The Lie of Omission for brighty18

For a number of reasons, this turned into a bit of a rush job. I'll probably edit this up a bit before I post it anywhere else, but I wanted to get this up before the deadline.

Title: The Lie of Omission
Author: Curley Green (yndigot)
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~1000
Challenge: For brighty18. Keywords: safe, loved, home. Dialogue: "I'm here." It came out very talky and soppy, but I hope you enjoy it. ^_^
Summary: Two and a half years after first coming to stay with the Potters, Sirius thinks he might finally be ready to be completely honest with them.
Beta Acknowledgement: So many thanks to the incomparable G who, despite moving to a different country and starting a new job this past month, managed to find time to listen to my endless Sirius/Remus prattling and give this a very quick look over to tell me it wasn't crap. All remaining mistakes are mine.



They'd been sharing a bed on a nightly basis for just two weeks, and already Remus was finding it difficult to sleep alone. The feeling of loneliness was completely ridiculous -- Sirius was not ten feet away, lying in his own bed in the same room. It was like being back in the dorm they'd left only a month ago. It was horrible. If his restless shifting was any indication, Sirius agreed.

"Sirius?" Through the dark of the room, he could see the faint outline of Sirius turning to face him. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." But there was a thickness to his voice that told otherwise.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Sirius, you're thinking so loud that the sound of those little wheels spinning in your head is going to keep me up all night. You've got something on your mind. I can tell."

Sirius was quiet for a moment and then there was the creaking of bedsprings as he got out of his bed and slipped under the covers with Remus, stretching his body out beside him, running his hand over Remus's hip the way he did when they were in bed at home.

"I'm sorry."

"What have you done?" Remus teased as he draped an arm over Sirius's bare chest.

"I meant to tell them today," Sirius said softly. "It just never seemed like the right time."

Remus pressed his face to Sirius's neck and breathed in. "You don't have to apologise to me," he said, the teasing tone gone. "It's not important to me whether you tell the Potters about us or not."

"You don't think I should tell them?"

"I didn't say that." Remus pulled away enough to see Sirius's face -- as well as he could in the dim light. "I think you should tell them because it's important to you."

Sirius had no answer for that. He stared up at the dark ceiling as Remus settled back in against Sirius's chest.

"I almost told my parents I was gay," he said finally.

Remus started to pull away again, but Sirius looped his arms around Remus's waist and held him in place.

"Almost?'

Remus felt Sirius nod. "When I was leaving. I almost thought -- I thought I'd just tell them everything. I told them what I thought of their pure-blood crap and their Dark magic. And I almost told them ... but I didn't."

"No?"

"No. Because if I had told them, they would have kicked me out." Sirius's arms tightened around Remus. "I wanted to leave on my own terms."

It didn't take long for Remus to figure out where Sirius's mind was going. "That's why you waited until we had our own flat..." He sighed and ran his hand over Sirius's chest. "The Potters would never kick you out."

"You're not pure-blood. You wouldn't understand."

Remus sighed and pushed himself up on his elbow. "Don't give me that pure-blood crap. I can't understand if you won't tell me. What wouldn't I understand? "

"The ... expectations," he said hesitantly. "Pure-bloods aren't gay."

Remus snorted. "All evidence to the contrary... After all, we are having this conversation. And what about Alphard?"

Sirius just shook his head. "He kept his head down and stayed quiet about it practically until he died. That's what good pure-blood sons do. They don't go to their families and announce that they're gay. They live lies."

"Sirius..." But Sirius gently pressed his fingers to Remus's lips to quiet him and went on.

"The Potters... I can't even explain what they've done for me. This was the first place I ever had a home. It was the first place I ever felt safe. But what if this is too much?"

"Sirius..." Remus whispered. He brushed Sirius's hair back from his face and let his fingers linger on Sirius's cheek. "They took you in when you ran away. And it drives Mrs Potter mad that you insist on tattooing every inch of your body, and I'm sure Mr Potter wanted to strangle you every time he got an owl from Dumbledore about some new mischief you and James had gotten into. But you're like another son to them."

"It's just..." Sirius gave a frustrated sigh. "There has to be some limit, doesn't there? What if this is it?"

"Love doesn't have limits, Padfoot. The Potters love you." Remus brushed his lips over Sirius's cheek and curled up tightly against Sirius's body. "This was your idea. There must be a reason you want to tell them."

Sirius closed his eyes, ran his hand absently up and down Remus's back, and when his hand started to still, Remus almost though he'd fallen asleep, but then he spoke. "It's like I'm lying to them. After everything they've done for me, there's still this part of myself I'm hiding.

"Sirius--" Remus hesitated, but maybe this was what Sirius needed to hear -- the doubt and that small bit of fear in Remus's voice as well. "I can't know how they'll react. I can't promise you that if you tell them, it won't go badly." He took a breath and went on, his voice steadier. "But I know the Potters. I can't imagine they would ever punish you for being honest with them."

"But you can't know."

"No," Remus said. "There's no way to know unless you decide to tell them."

"And if it goes badly?" Sirius asked softly.

"Then ... you'll still have me. No matter what happens, I'm here with you."

"And if they hate me?"

"They won't. But even if they do, I'm here."

Sirius's voice was thick now and just barely a whisper. "If I never find the courage to tell them?"

Remus cupped his hand to Sirius's cheek, wiping away the dampness there. "I'm here."

--

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
duck_or_rabbit
Jun. 5th, 2009 11:01 pm (UTC)
Oh, I love fics that are mainly dialogue, letting the characters do the telling, and this flowed just beautifully! Love this line:

"It's just..." Sirius gave a frustrated sigh. "There has to be some limit, doesn't there? What if this is it?"

because it just hints at self-doubt and yearning for understanding in the most subtle way.
yndigot
Jun. 6th, 2009 04:12 am (UTC)
Yay! Thank you!

I tried to do most of the explanation with the dialogue in this without turning it into an information overload or giving them a whole bunch of lines that sounded completely unnatural. I'm so glad you thought it flowed!

And I love trying to get into Sirius's head. He has so many issues and insecurities to explore...

Anyway, I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
brighty18
Jun. 5th, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC)
Squeeeee!
Oh, this is lovely and it is EXACTLY what I love! Well done and it's totally going into my memories! Yay!

The dialog worked very, very well and, you know, I cannot imagine it any other way. You write it well and it felt very natural.

And you used the prompts spectacularly. There was none of that "Oh, there went a prompt" sort-of thing at all. Instead, it just flowed very, very naturally.

I very much felt for poor Sirius here. How awful to grow-up thinking that there were limits on love. I could very much see how he would believe that, though. I can also very much understand how he would want to leave on his own terms, to remain in control and have the upper hand.

Oh, and major points for squeezing in the tattoos. Yum!

I loved it!
yndigot
Jun. 6th, 2009 04:11 am (UTC)
Re: Squeeeee!
Thank you! I love trying to get into Sirius's head because he seems so damaged and confused... And I love tattooed!Sirius. ^_^ I'm glad the dialogue worked for you. I was a bit afraid of trying to stuff too much in...

It's the first fic I've written and posted in years, and when I got your prompt, this is the scene that immediately popped into my mind. I had so much fun writing this and I'm glad you enjoyed it! It was such a great way to jump back into writing.
remuslives23
Jun. 6th, 2009 06:18 am (UTC)
Oh, I love dialogue driven fics! I loved Sirius' vulnerability and Remus' calm certainty. Lovely! *squishes you*
yndigot
Jun. 6th, 2009 05:34 pm (UTC)
HEE!! It's quite a rush getting compliments on my writing from someone whose stories I enjoy so much!
ladyannikaa
Jun. 6th, 2009 02:13 pm (UTC)
LOVED IT!!! ^.^
yndigot
Jun. 6th, 2009 05:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ^_^
smittenfancy
Jun. 7th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC)
*is proud of ju*

yndigot
Jun. 7th, 2009 03:48 pm (UTC)
ILU.
marauderthesn
Jun. 8th, 2009 12:57 am (UTC)
I like this a lot; I think it's very realistic that Sirius would worry that there would be a limit when it comes to how much the Potters will tolerate from him. I also really like the little detail of Sirius pressing his finger against Remus's lips. Nice job. :)
yndigot
Jun. 8th, 2009 01:09 am (UTC)
Oh thank you. ^_^ I'm so glad you liked it.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )